© Copyright ResourcefulManager
(Editor’s Note: This post was written by Kevin Kruse,  an entrepreneur and New York Times bestselling author.)
How can so many high achievers consistently leave work in time to be home for dinner with their family?
How was former Campbell Soup CEO, Doug Conant, able to spend 30-minutes a day writing thank you notes, and leave for home at a reasonable time?
Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg runs a company worth $230 billion, and she still manages to leave the office at 5:30 every day. How does she do it?
How did President Barack Obama, maintain his commitment to his family that he would have dinner with them every night at 6:30?
Back when I was young and dumb, I worked over 100 hours each week as I fought desperately to lead my fast growing startup. I skipped meals to get a few more things crossed off the to-do list. I slept less in the misguided notion of increasing productivity. And worst of all, I traded precious hours with the family just so I could get a few more things done each week.
It was only after painful failures in both business and my marriage that I was forced to discover three keys to approaching work and life, which oddly increased my results in both domains.
Secret #1: There Will Always Be More To Do
My life literally changed in an instant when I read, Andy Grove’s book, “High Output Management.” The founder and former CEO of Intel described his average day, which included leaving at a reasonable time every single day.
At the time, Grove was leading a giant, fast-growing tech company. There had to be endless fires to put out: decisions about new billion-dollar chip factories, product dumping emergencies from Japanese competitors, partnership meetings with counterparts at Microsoft, Dell and other tech behemoths.
But he always made it home for dinner. Grove revealed his ultimate secret:
My day ends when I’m tired and ready to go home, not when I’m done. I am never done. Like a housewife’s, a manager’s work is never done. There is always more to be done, more that should be done, always more than can be done.”
And that is the secret.
There will always be more to do,
and always more than can be done.
This is another one of those simple concepts that, once it truly sinks in, can dramatically change your life.
For too long, I let my to-do list master me. “Sorry, I can’t make it home for dinner because I still have that report to do.” And if I ignored the siren call of the to-do list, I felt stress and guilt choking me as I ate dinner at home.
The hard truth is that there will always be more to do, so it’s up to you to decide – regardless of the to-do list or the fire to put out – how much time you’re willing to invest at work each day.
Secret #2: You Can’t Be Everything To Everyone
Jessica Turner, the author of “The Fringe Hours: Making Time for You,” surveyed more than 2,000 women for her book and, among other things, asked them to describe the hardest part of being a woman.
The common theme: Being everything to everyone. She describes how these multiple roles can become unhealthy.
For women, this ‘disease to please’ can wreak havoc on every area of our lives. We are nurturers by nature. We want to help and love on others. But sometimes our actions are not an outpouring of love but a result of wanting to please someone else.”
This phenomenon is closely related to the disease of perfectionism. It’s dangerous to base our self-worth on what others think of us.
Many people are surprised that I can relate a lot to what Turner is describing in her book. Perhaps it’s because I’m a single dad and accustomed to maintaining a household. Regardless of the reason, I still spend too much time – and more importantly, too much stress – on little things that really don’t matter.
Recently, my financial advisor told me he was going to be in my neighborhood and wanted to stop by my home and give me an update on my money. It was a sign of high service, and I was grateful.
But my mind immediately took off – better brew a pot of coffee; is the fridge stocked with Coke? What if he drinks Diet Coke, do I have any of that? We’ll be meeting in the kitchen – need to clean the kitchen counter. Is he allergic to cats? I should lock them in the basement…
It’s completely ridiculous to think this way about my advisor making a house call. Among the numerous reasons:
- He works for me; he’ll keep working for me if I keep paying him.
- He knows far more important things about me – like my net worth – than my kitchen.
- He knows me personally, and I’m sure judges me by my values, character and actions – not my hospitality skills or the cleanliness of my floor.
It is one thing to be collaborative at work and a helpful friend and family member at home. But it’s another to feel like you have to be perfect.
Once again, we must know when it’s time to say “no” to colleagues and friends alike. We must know that to help others, we must first help ourselves, and that begins with putting limits on the amount of time we give away.
Secret #3: Be Clear On Your Values
They say you can tell what a person truly values by looking at two things: their checkbook and their calendar.
Most people would claim they value their family and friends. Most people would say their goal is to be a great parent. Most people would say their health is important to them.
But our actions reveal the truth.
How often do we say we don’t have time for exercise? How often do we skip time with our kids to work on that important proposal?
The secret is to be crystal clear as possible to what you truly value, and then schedule your time appropriately.
There are no right or wrong answers. Only your answers.
For example, if attending your kids’ sporting events is important to you, to what degree?
- Part of being a good parent is attending all of their games and practices.
- Part of being a good parent is attending at least half of their games.
- Part of being a good parent is attending any games that are on the weekends.
Again, there is no right answer. The key is to know what the right answer is for you, and then let that be your guide.
Becoming a master of your time is a way to master your life.
Eventually, as I mastered these three secrets I was able to grow my company from a million dollars a year in revenue to a million dollars a month, while at the same time reducing my total work time from 100 hours to less than 40.
Will you take the first step? Let your family know you’ll be home for dinner tonight.
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Really nice article. I try to do some of this, but . . .
That’s the problem isn’t it? But . . .
If our work was truly done at the end of the day or the end of the week, would we need to work the next day, or week?
You’re so right, Anthony!
There is always more to do and that’s the point and the things to do list keep growing. We have to be able to put a limit.
Great article.
Thanks, Cynthia….. one of my favorites, too.
Nice to hear that guys kick into high gear when a ‘guest’ is coming to the house, too! I know it’s silly, but I have to deal with that same obsessive, perfectionistic response every time. Yes, it flows over into work. Less ‘please-y’ than I used to be.
Great article.
As an Engineering Manager in a contract manufacturing world (EMS), it’s so true there will always be more to do. This really put things in perspective however and was truly insightful. I am going to work this in and make improvements with my employees and my family in this regard. Thank you for the article.
Michael
Good advice.
Well said! Thank you. I am a life and leadership coach who encourages people to embrace “slow”. I love hearing successful people put forth this message, showing that success doesn’t HAVE to come from fast and busy. Let’s stop using busy as a status symbol! Focus on connecting to the people in your lives or you will quickly become dissatisfied with the life you are living and the work you are doing. Bravo.
Wow! Terri hit the nail on the head with “stop using busy as a status symbol. Focus on connecting to the people”
Good article its all about conditioning our mind isn’t it ?
It’s about managing your priorities and having the discipline to stick to that.
Great article
Nice and thank you for refreshing our minds with this truth. Actual question is this is known to a large extent however, do we follow it with passion
Great piece and its so true. We need self discipline to follow and succeed.
Lillian, the self-discipline part is where most of us fail. Good luck!
Key items to a balanced work/personal life. However, reality is when you’re not the boss and the owner/upper management does not embrace this philosophy, you put in the ridiculous hours or they’ll replace you with someone who will.
Sherryl, I know what that feels like…. I’ve been in the same situation and worked my butt off….. but in the end, I couldn’t live that way…and I don’t think they really appreciated the effort…. and I couldn’t change them…. in my view they were running their business into the ground…..so I moved on to somewhere….. their retention rate was horrible and they were out of business 5 years later….
Great article!! I too had to learn the hard way before life happened and forced me to take a different approach. I am much better at taking the time for myself and my family now and my life is much better for it too. Technology was a big culprit for me because I was always connected so now once I leave the office or am on leave I turn those items off so I am truly spending quality time with my loved ones.
I am truly inspired. Closing late at work has become my solace in life as it helps me to worry less about my personal problems. However reality check is that they always stare me in the face when i get home so why dont i leave early i guess to have a mind and feel of worth and also the senior partner of my firm always has something for you to do.
This is great advice and people do become less productive if they work too many hours. Not only that but they make other prople less productive too by generating unnecessary tasks and emails just to show their capacity to work longer than everyone else. They will also drag out meetings and steal colleagues time.
You have to make time for the other things that are important in life. This philosophy does need to be embraced by senior management for it to work though. How many people have had their boss call them a part timer for leaving at 5pm or 6pm or not starting early enough? What about the times when the boss just won’t let you go out of the door?
I did hear one story though where it was traditional for workers not to leave until after the boss had left the office. They stayed ther until midnight one day as they had not seen him leave. When they looked in his office he had gone out via a back door many hours earlier.
As I keep telling people, the secret to leaving the office at 5pm is to leave the office at 5pm – simple really.
Nice piece of work….very true. Am gonna try this for sure
This is so true…Thank you! I am going to share this with my wife. I don’t know if it will help, but it’s worth a shot.
I used to be the one who put the hours in to prove my value in the organization and advance my career. But, there were 3 things that got my attention. The first was I was diagnosed with cancer. This will bring a new perspective to your life or how short life really is. But, after I became cancer free and because of the work I missed, it wasn’t long before the pressure to be valuable snuck back into my work life. I was once again putting in the hours and taking precious time away from my family. I felt pressure to continue to advance and my rationale was that it was for my families future.
The second was that my 7 year old daughter and I convinced mom it was time to give her a little brother or sister. My wife and I were blessed with a little boy. Now I had someone dad could teach manly stuff to. This helped me to reduce some of the work hours, but it still wasn’t enough.
Then finally, the thing that really got my attention was when my baby girl became a teenager and was not my baby girl anymore. I began having difficulty remembering her younger years. I had spent too many hours building my career and not enough time creating cherished memories. This broke my heart. I decided at that moment I was not going to lose the little time I had left with her and definitely not have the same regrets with my son. I identified what I valued and made the changes. I also started realizing the example I had set for my children of what family was about. I didn’t want my children to make the same mistakes with their families.
I will admit that the reduction in work hours stifled my career growth, but it has been well worth it. If I could only get my wife to make the same adjustments. As was mentioned above, woman want to be “everything to everyone”, and that describes my wife perfectly, and she is good at it, but it’s impacting her health. Hopefully sharing this article with her will spark something that helps her make the needed adjustments. I want us to have a family life full of peace, joy and fond memories. I know she does as well. The challenge is that her genetic make-up is to succeed in all things, but she has way too many things on here plate to succeed in. I am not sure here health can sustain.
Thanks again for sharing this article.
Thanks for sharing!
I agree with your article. My question, how do I get my husband to read this and do it? He will say that the business he is in requires him to work these hours. He has people on the road and doesn’t want to give it up until they are done with their work.
Totally Agree and sometimes we don’t even notice it, until we feel too tired instead of feeling accomplished for the job well done. No matter the position, we all need to balance work time and personal time. Very useful article that I will share with my colleagues and friends.
The secret to getting out early is to become an employee that is paid hourly, though I know that isn’t realistic. When I started this engineering job, I was hourly and the big wigs hated to pay overtime, so they kicked me out the door every day at 4:30. Once I became a highly compensated engineer, they changed me to salaried and then kept me here late every day.