Our mothers’ advice still rings in our ears:
“If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”
But sometimes our inner-snark gets the best of us.
Here are 47 snarky comments you’re dying to say to your fellow workers – but shouldn’t.
- I like you. You remind me of me when I was young and stupid.
- I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
- How about never? Is never good for you?
- I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
- I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
- Well, aren’t we a bloody ray of sunshine?
- I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
- I said, “No.” Which word don’t you understand?
- I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
- It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying.
- If things get any worse, I’ll have to ask you to stop helping me.
- I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of crap.
- You are validating my inherent mistrust of co-workers.
- I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t give a damn.
- I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
- I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
- The fact that no one understands you doesn’t make you an artist.
- Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
- What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
- I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
- It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of Karma to burn off.
- Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
- No, my powers can only be used for good.
- You sound reasonable. Did you take your meds today?
- Who me? I just wander from room to room.
- Don’t worry. I forgot your name, too.
- You say I’m a bitch like it’s a bad thing.
- Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
- Don’t bother me, I’m living happily ever after.
- This isn’t an office. It’s HELL with fluorescent lighting.
- Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.
- I’m not crazy. I’ve been in a very bad mood for the last 30 years.
- Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.
- Do they ever shut up on your planet?
- Back off!! You’re standing in my aura.
- Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.
- I work 50 hours a week to be this poor.
- I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.
- Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
- Earth is full. Go home.
- Aw, did I step on your poor itty bitty ego?
- You are depriving some village of their idiot.
- Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
- Wait…I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
- We’ve been friends for a very long time. How about we call it quits?
- Ahhh. I see the SNAFU fairy has visited us again.
- Oh I get it … like humor … but different.
Dawn Rodriguez says
I surely got my morning laugh with this one. I had to share it with… you guessed it,..my co-workers! I think we’re all guilty at one time or another of feeling that way, but this just tickled my funny bone. Thanks .
Rich Henson says
Giad to hear to you could laugh at these. We certainly did!
Workplace Misanthrope says
I sure did get a kick out of these, and I’ve been known to say things like this at work and in public. It’s a wonder I’m still employed, lol
These were perfect! I had to share as well. I had to tell those that I shared with, “no, I did not write them, yes, I know I use them.” LOL
Thank you! Such a much needed break when everything is too serious.
John Sommers says
Some very funny stuff!!
R C Smith says
1. I like you. You remind me of me when I was young and stupid. Re: And now you are old and stupid, but it’s good that you still have your memories.
2. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce. Re: Well, maybe. What did you say your name is?
9. I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person. Re: Very wise. Think how foolish you will look when you lose.
44. Wait…I’m trying to imagine you with a personality. Re: Oh, you have an imagination?
Trish Lafayette says
My sister is snarky and it is difficult to be around her. Just like the examples, she is critical, sarcastic in a mean way and always finds fault with me. I stopped visiting her often because aside from being “snarked at” for a week, she is always mad at me for something. When I leave to return home, I ALWAYS leave with a snarky remark and is mad at me. She will find something to be angry with me about. Will always find something. She likes to argue and wants to debate just about everything I say to her. This has always been the dynamic between us, where she is angry with me and does not hesitate to put me down regardless of me going out of my way to please her. NO MORE. I got the genetic lottery of the family regarding looks and compares her 5’2″ daughter to my 5’8″ daughter. Unfortunately, she has passed this on to her daughter and being around both of them is too much. I told her she is snarky and she and her daughter treat me like an unwanted third wheel. Leaves me feeling worthless and has a rude comment about most things I say. During a recent small-business interview, I met with the owner and he was snarky. Needless to say, I am not taking the job as I do not like being around this critical, negative, controlling energy. I know too well how it affects me and would not be happy there.
M. Williams says
Your sister needs to seek a therapist/counselor immediately. I’m a supervisor and whenever any of my staff is ‘snarky’ I put an end to this immediately. Snarky comments does not belong in a workplace environment—just like bullying is NOT allowed in a school environment. I hope she seeks help.
These are perfectly timed for my Monday morning!! I DO think these… sometimes too regularly!! The laughter is sooo needed right now in all this seriousness.