Do you want to rattle your employees’ nerves? Leave them on edge? Keep them up at night, wondering what’s next?
Of course not!
Yet many bosses unknowingly drop some unnerving things on their employees. Even worse, some bad bosses say unnerving things intentionally for selfish or sinister reasons.
But we know you’re not that manager. (Although we’ve all had a run in with someone like that in our careers, unfortunately.)
Here’s why it’s important to avoid phrases and words that make employees take pause: Almost 70% of employees say their managers impact their well-being, according to a UKG Workforce Institute study. That’s on par with the impact employees’ spouses or partners have on them!
Far-reaching effects of the unnerving things said
So what you say — and how you say it — can hurt employee well-being. And when well-being is shot, productivity, morale and engagement go down with it.
“By not providing context in the upfront message, unneeded stress can pile on and can contribute to miscommunication,” says Annie Rosencrans, People and Culture Director at HiBob. It can be difficult to decipher intent when it comes to email, Slack or Teams messages, which is why it’s important to be as clear as possible in team communications. Laying out your intentions for connecting helps to avoid any potential emotional strain between bosses and their employees.
Let’s look at the worst things bosses can say, why they’re so unnerving and better things to say.
1. ‘We have to talk’
… sometimes referred to the four worst words in the English language. Its similar cousins are just as bad: “We need to talk” and “Let’s talk.”
Anything like this without context suggests you have bad news.
Better: Always give context — even if it is bad news. “Sheree, I’d like to talk with you about XYZ. It’ll likely take 30 minutes. What time are you available this morning?”
2. ‘Hey …’
This is commonly referred to as the “Hey hanger.” You drop a “Hey” and let it hang. Meanwhile the employee’s anxiety rises because they anticipate the worst.
“When it comes to internal communication, managers that send a ‘Hey’ or ‘Hi’ to an employee without any context can trigger a heightened feeling of anxiety as they wonder what message will follow,” says Rosencrans. “While Hey Hanging may not feel intentionally harmful, managers must ensure they’re effectively communicating with their teams so there is little room for misunderstanding. Clear communication is also key to positive work culture and sets the standard for transparency and meaningful feedback.”
Better: Don’t leave them hanging. Use full, clear sentences. “Hey Robert. It looks like we’ll need to speed up work on the Simpson account. Can we both explore ideas this morning and meet to come to a conclusion on what to do at 1 p.m.?”
3. ‘Got a minute?’
Although this can bring on similar trepidation as “We have to talk,” the problem with this phrase is that “a minute” is never 60 seconds.
It’s usually many minutes and involves something that’s unpleasant to employees — more work, chastising, bad news, etc.
Better: Be realistic about time. “Vernon, I’d like to talk with you about the Anderson project. Can you step away from what you’re doing for 15 minutes, and no more?”
4. ‘Can we step into a meeting real quick?’
Similar to the “Got a minute?” this phrase raises questions like, “Oh boy, what’s going on that the boss can’t say it in front of everyone else here?” So the employee hearing it sweats bullets on the way to the meeting room.
Better: Give context. “Dominque, are you available to meet today at 2 p.m. I’d like to discuss the feedback I received from the client.”
5. ‘Would you be able to say a few words on …?’
Asking unsuspecting employees to talk in front of a group — even if it’s just your team — with little or no warning can send some people off the deep end. Many people aren’t comfortable with public speaking. Some aren’t naturally prepared to speak off the cuff.
Better: Give them notice. “Jean, I’d like you to speak at our next group meeting about how you cut the filing time in half. Can you give us 15 minutes?”
6. ‘You’re in charge of …’
When some people get new or different responsibilities dumped on them, they go into panic mode. They’re worried they won’t know how to handle it, have the time and resources to do it, or will simply fail.
Better: Ask employees, “I think you’d be able to do X. Would you be interested in being in charge of …?”
7. ‘What were you thinking?’
Even if you’re trying to get into their mindset — and not being accusatory — this phrase will put employees on the defense immediately. And that makes sense because you’re essentially asking them to defend their thoughts, ideas and actions.
Better: Clarify that you need clarity. “I’m trying to understand what’s happened and why. Can we talk about the process you went through to get to this point?”
8. ‘That’s a great idea, but …’
You can substitute lots of things at the beginning of this sentence — for instance, “It could work, but …,” “You have a point, but …” or “We’d consider it, but …”
Point is, “but” negates everything you’ve said before it. So when a boss says something that starts positive, all the employee hears is that it’s not.
Better: Replace “but” with “and” all the time. “That’s a great idea, and I’d like to hear more.” “It could work, and I’d like to see an outline of the plan.” “We’d consider it, and when you have all the supporting data, we’ll add it to the agenda.”
9. ‘Let me be honest’
Similar: “In all honesty” or “To be honest …” These are similar to the “but” phrases. When you qualify your next statements with honesty, it suggests you aren’t always telling the full truth.
Better: First off, always be honest. From there, give feedback that is clear and seeks to clarify. “What I’ve noticed is X. What I think is Y. Tell me what you think.”
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