28 Ways to Say No Without Upsetting Them

You need to say No, but you hate doing it.

After all, your boss might think you’re lazy. Or your colleague might think you’re unhelpful. Your employee will resent you. Or the client will believe you don’t care. Your friend won’t invite you next time. Or your mom will deem you unworthy.

Fortunately there are ways to say No without coming across as lazy, unhelpful, ungrateful or — God forbid — the worst of mom’s kids!

“Saying No — even if it’s in our best interests — can feel like failure,” says Julie Bee, author of Burned: How Business Owners Can Overcome Burnout and Fuel Success.

You Need Ways to Say No

Still, as a sensible leader — who needs to sleep, eat and do things other than say Yes — you need to reject requests, decline invitations and turn down ideas. Why?

• You can’t do it all
• It’s not always your place to do it
• Others gain opportunities to step up
• Some things don’t need to be done, and
• The stress would be overwhelming!

“That said, all ‘Nos’ aren’t created equal,” says Bee. “In some situations, you’ll want to let the other person down gently and leave the door open to future collaboration. In others, you might need to set a non-negotiable boundary. Sometimes you might want to explain the reasons behind your answer; other times it’s best to answer concisely and move on.”

Fortunately, Bee breaks down the differences for us and gives many ways to say No in each situation.

You Need to Set Boundaries 

Sometimes, a No is necessary so you can set boundaries to maintain your sanity or space. So you can say:

• No, I do not have the capacity to ….
• I’m working on saying No more often; this is one of those times.
• No, but I have someone who might be a good fit. Let me check in with them.
• Right now and into the foreseeable future, I am focusing on … Therefore, I can’t move forward with/help with …
• No, I want to create more space on my calendar, which means I’m turning down some things I would have said Yes to in the past. 
• I am already over-committed/have a full plate, and I would not be able to give this the attention it needs/deserves. I have to say No. 
• I recognize what you are doing is important/has value, but at this time I can’t participate/listen/attend.
• I promised my kids/spouse/family/employees/etc. I would say No to any new requests that interfere with weekends/evenings/focused work/team time, so I am saying No. 

You Can’t Do It Now

Many times, you have to say because you just don’t have the time now or in the foreseeable future. Say:

• No at this time, but please follow up with me in (weeks/months) when I may have more capacity to review/participate/advise/etc.
• No, I have decided to pass on this project/request/etc. Thank you for thinking of me and please keep me in mind for future opportunities.
• The answer is No for now, but the door is open for a later conversation.
• I have other priorities at this time, so I can’t pursue this one.
• This is something I’d like to keep on the table, but I can’t currently make it a now.
• No, I am booked solid through … Thanks for understanding.

You Feel Something is Off

Sometimes, the request or invitation seems out of the ordinary or too risky. To that, say:

• My gut instinct is to say No, and I’m going to stick with my gut. 
• I was initially excited about this idea, but upon review, I realize it isn’t a good fit. 
• No, this doesn’t align with the mission statement and/or vision.
• No, I am going in a different direction, but thank you for your time/offer/etc.
• No, I have found a more ideal option that suits me better.
• No, I don’t think our companies/personalities are a match.
• I’m not the one to talk to about this. You’ll need to speak with …

You Won’t Be Guilted Into It

Sometimes, a quick, firm decline is the best way to move on from someone who might try to guilt you into doing it:

• No, thanks.
• No, I am not interested. 
• No, I’ve already exceeded my limit on that for the next months/years.
• No, I am not able to take on …
• No, I am going to burn out if I take on anything else.
• No, I’m taking a break from things like this.
• No, this isn’t in my wheelhouse.

The word ‘No’ is one of the most effective tools in your arsenal to ensure you don’t exceed your bandwidth,” Bee says. “Remember, opportunities are rarely once-in-a-lifetime. ‘No’ doesn’t have to mean ‘No for all time.’ It can simply be a ‘No for now.’”