You Think You’re Awesome, But the Boss Doesn’t: Now What?

You think you’re awesome. Some people might have even told you that.

Then, out of nowhere, you find out the boss doesn’t think you’re a rock star. Now what?

It’s quite the predicament for a manager, no matter how far along you are in your career.

Obviously, someone — perhaps a former boss — thought you were awesome enough to get promoted into a leadership role. And then there are your direct reports: Assuming they follow you and succeed in their roles, they likely think you’re doing a great job, too.

Negative feedback can be a big blow to your ego, but it can have a bigger implication, too — possibly impacting promotions, merit increases and overall career trajectory.

It doesn’t have to be that way. 

When You’re Awesome and Need Others to Know It

So what can you do when you find out — whether it’s in a formal review, an impromptu chastising or an informal one-on-one — the boss doesn’t think you’re as awesome as you perceive yourself?

“As difficult as it is to hear, learning how you’re perceived can provide an opportunity for self-improvement and professional growth,” says Marlo Lyons, author of Wanted: A new career, and career coach in her research published in The Harvard Business Review.

Look at this way: As gut-wrenching as negative feedback can be, it’s usually helpful and insightful (assuming you get over yourself and take it!) In fact, 57% of people prefer corrective feedback. Just 43% prefer a steady stream of praise and recognition, a Zenger Folkman study found.

Why? Almost 75% of the people who preferred corrective feedback said it helped improve their performance.

So here’s what Lyons suggests leaders do when they find out they aren’t as awesome as they thought they were:

1. Step Back

You’re a leader. You know employees’ gut reaction to negative feedback is pushback and defensiveness. Guess what? Yours is probably the same, especially when your self-perception has been shattered.

So the first step is to step back. Reflect on — not react to — what you’ve heard.

Reel in your emotions, then talk them through with a trusted loved one, friend, colleague or therapist — but not your boss. It might help to see things more objectively if you pretend briefly that the feedback was about someone else.

Even if your bird’s-eye view of the situation suggests you’re still awesome, you have to fix the perception that you aren’t all that. For more introspect, Lyons offers these questions:

1. What’s the mindset I need so I can work on the areas where I’m perceived to be falling short?
2. If just a small percentage of feedback is true, what do I need to do to change the perception?
3. How much effort am I willing to put in to change this perception of me or my work?

2. Listen More

Next, you’ll want to get more feedback so you can handle the negative feedback. Tell other colleagues and stakeholders that you want to improve on a perception you weren’t aware of, and you’d like their thoughts it.

Then, shut your mouth!

Listen to what they have to say when you ask these questions:

1. What do I do really well?
2. What should I continue doing?
3. Where can I improve?
4. What should I stop doing?

Once they give you answers, briefly explain what you heard from the boss – and ask if they have more insight on that perception. Listen actively by writing down what’s said. No comments, rebuts or explanations.

3. Clarify

With new perspective, it’s likely a good time to go back to the boss and apologize for undesirable behaviors or failures. It’s goodwill to acknowledge you did something that wasn’t ideal and explain that you want to improve.

At the same time, be ready with some clarifying questions so you clear up misunderstandings and make sure you improve what’s needed.

For instance, “When you said X, what do you think is the most important thing I can do to improve on that?”

4. Seek Development Opportunities

Consider this an opportunity to get better at things you’re already good at (remember, you really are awesome most of the time). You can ask the boss for direction in learning more.

Even better, tell the boss how you plan to develop the skills. Check with HR on resources such as workshops and self-learning tools, videos and reading materials. If your company doesn’t offer these kinds of resources, check out LinkedIn Learning, Udemy, or Coursera.

5. Check the Perception

Not only do you want to improve in areas that you didn’t realize were weak spots, you want to change the boss’s perception.

So check every few weeks with your boss, letting them know what you’re doing to improve and ask for resources if you need them for continued growth. Also, this is the time you want to get the boss’s feedback on how you’re doing: Is the perception changing? Do you both finally see you’re awesome?!